Inside You - Milet

This story is inspired by the song Inside You - Milet.

ありがとうMilet.

Maybe you’re right

Maybe your life’s better without me

We had a beautiful life together once. We wove together stories others could never dream of. We saw worlds no one before us or after us will ever see again. We found a purity a simplicity to the world we will never let go of. But maybe you’re right. Those worlds and stories we were part of were born of a chaos we could never control. They came from a night within and without us we were only ever lucky or unlucky enough to wander through. The life you’ve built for yourself is orderly. Controlled. It’s comfortable and safe and despite what they might tell you, its not boring or cowardly. It was necessary. It was needed for you to heal. For you to feel whole.

Once you had healed I thought you’d come back. One day, when your life had settled and your worries scattered like sand on the beach, you would return. But you watched happily as the memories of our time together slipped from the hourglass we crafted to the cracks between your fingers and into that yellow-white abyss. You flipped the hourglass over and over in hopes the memories were truly gone. The chaos finally banished. And still I heard you wonder: can I really no longer go back?

I find it hard to tell how much time has passed. How much distance there is between us. But perhaps you started to realize. Even settled into a new comfortable and safe life, with that ancient chaos and those persistent worries pushed out to shore, those run-down docks would only harbor new chaos. New worries. A new abyss. Sometimes carrying with it what you once thought you had let go of. Did you ever really move forward? Or have you only forgotten who we are?

The chaos inside of us was never washed out to sea. The pressure against our chest rolls in waves crashing and pulling against our lungs. You’ve hidden it away. Boarded it up on a ship of stable jobs and a nine-to-five schedule. Locked beneath the decks of your day-to-day work and the daily task of just staying alive. You pushed it out into the darkness of the sea.

The sleepless nights with the screen stuck at the back of our eyes with stories and worlds begging to be heard no longer play. There were no credits no grand finale as the ship drifted off into the sea. You gazed out at that ship fading into the horizon and felt peace. You felt calm. You felt still.

And still you heard our quiet voice within calling out to that distant ship.

The night is as all-consuming as it ever was. It’s a different night for you now but a night it remains. You once thought the night exhausted all of our affection. You sought to leave us behind pounding forth on the neatly manicured path before you. But now, this new night too has exhausted all of your affections. You’ve lost all hope once more. Just as you did in that first night.

We had no path to walk. No hand to guide us through the night. We were lost.

But though you’re no longer here, I expect to see you again.

You may have left me here for a moment on this shore in this night but you and I are bound together through the chaos at a dawn we do not wish to see. We live in the twilight where our mind may roam free and wild with those who just might understand us.

But let me in your life just one night

Let us embark once more on our journey through the chaos. Let us descend into that welcoming night begging for its stories to be told. For its worlds to be seen. You once sought to be whole. To have the life we always dreamed of on a path we could not tread. We knew where the path was evenly paved for others it was full of thorns for us. And still you threw yourself upon it not out of weakness or fear but out of a boundless courage to fill your life with what you thought we needed.

But I am always Inside You. I am the part of you that gives voice to the chaos. I am the part of you that turns the night into twilight that we might glimpse the worlds hidden amongst the stars. We are the voice that weaves together their stories for no one but ourselves. The life we need will leave us shattered. Broken and bloody in this night without an end and yet is it is the life we can thrive in. It is the night we need.

Let me in your life just one night that we might sunder ourselves once more and find life in the chaos that follows.